Cuppy, aka the Anti-Feminist

My, my, my – what a nice little shitstorm has erupted on the blogosphere lately regarding female gamers. Now, this is a subject that I am both extremely passionate about and extremely blasé towards as well. I’ve said a lot about it in the past, and I plan to speak about it in our next podcast.

I basically feel the same way towards this issue as I feel about affirmative action. No, I don’t feel like its an “if you can’t beat them, join them” sort of issue. I just don’t understand the whole mentality that further segregating yourself by hiding in an all-girl community is doing anything to better the situation. A shit ton of girl gamers have an issue with the immaturity level of the male gamers, yet then they demand equal treatment and whine because video games are geared towards males instead of females. I’m sorry, but no one is stopping any of you girls from participating in predominantly male activities – but you have to accept you’re going to be the minority and that chances are your gender differences will come into play. The root of all this is that we DO have differences and we can’t avoid these differences by complaining that we’re not treated equally, by protesting, by segregating.

When you play in a video game, no one cares what gender or race you are except the immature idiots who you wouldn’t want to associate or group with anyway. Learn to avoid the immaturity and the disrespectful people and familiarize yourself with the ignore button and the fact that you can always meet new friends. Quit lumping all the men into this stereotype of “asshole, hardassed, disrespectful, immature, condescending jerks” and instead find yourself embracing the differences in people in the gaming culture. Just like the real world, you have people you need to avoid and distance yourself from and others that you will want to become closer to. The glory of current MMO’s is the ability to talk in private chats, to use ignore features, to join guilds, to pick and choose who you group with, to use chat profanity filters. We really can make gaming an enjoyable experience if we choose to and put a bit of effort into it.

My favorite sport is the equestrian sports in the Olympics. 3 Day Eventing, Dressage, Showjumping. Why is that? Because it is the only Olympic sport in which men and women compete in the same events against each other. How beautiful is such a concept? You don’t have “Women’s Show Jumping” events. Everybody is equal throughout the entire sport. The horses are a mix of male and female. (Even horse racing segregates males and females; fillies are not allowed to race in the Kentucky Derby for example.) I’m 100% for people learning to work together regardless of their color, gender, age, etc.

I’ve said before that this is why I enjoy the Fires of Heaven guild forums. There, I am not treated like a female negatively or positively. I’m treated as a gamer with my own opinions. I am both flamed and praised for things I have to say, same as the other posters there. I’m one of the few vocal female posters there, and I’m not really looked at as a minority. Why is that? Because I take the flames in stride and I don’t play the ‘female card.’ I don’t complain that I’m treated differently, I don’t try too hard to fit in. I read the discussions, post what I have to say and I don’t flaunt my gender. I don’t hide (my name is Cuppycake after all, with a pony avatar) so everyone knows that I’m female. Its just not really an issue because I post legitimate discussion regarding MMORPG’s. Likewise – if you play a game and you play it well, you’re going to be respected.

Everyone just needs to calm down. You’re not going to change things by making your own girl forums and hanging out there. Yeah, that’s totally cool if its what you want to do. But don’t go bitching about equality and differences in the way you’re being treated when you’re pointing fingers at the male population and refusing to communicate with them. You’re putting up more barriers against the issue that you’re trying to ‘fix.’ There is no fixing stereotyping or gender role differences – they’re going to exist and you’re going to have to play the game the way it was meant to be played, and play it with skill.

Girls – try refusing a gift the next time its offered in game. Try /dueling someone and kicking their ass when you’re criticized for being female. Try talking in your normal voice in Ventrilo and not raising it a few decibels to try to impress someone. Try playing an Iksar, or a Troll, or an Ogre for once! Try naming yourself something other than “Tinkerbell” (I know I say that at the risk of being called a hypocrite because of my name). Grow up, appreciate the differences between genders, seek out mature people who enjoy the same things you do and converse with them. Use the features of the game to your advantage and respect the fact that you’re essentially on the turf that men have created.

And since we’re on the subject, I’m going to personally mention a blog (link removed because they don’t deserve the traffic I’d give them) where a certain group of said immature individuals (that I’ve chosen to now avoid) have decided to start an internet war with me. I’ve been avoiding bringing this up because I know I’m only giving them the attention that they’re asking for. I think they are under the assumption that I actually care about a word they’re saying. They’re throwing out a few comments such as:

<Insert a plug for a blog of equal uselessness in a pathetic attempt to spread my whoreish name around the internet even more>.

Yes, that’s my attempt. To spread my name around the internet. Do you think I ask for people to link what I have to say? Do you think I post something and then email it to Raph Koster and say “Hey, will you plug my post?” If I am linked by another blog or news site on the internet its because they either like or hate what I have to say. I am quite humbled by the amount of people who read my blog or listen to my podcast. I don’t get off on it, it doesn’t make me giddy with joy. I like posting what I have to say, regardless how lame it might be. I don’t give a shit if anyone reads it at all. I like linking to other people to give THEM the credit they deserve, not to spread my name around.

Here’s the deal. Carry on. Continue your war, continue posting all the spam comments that you’ve been posting (calling me fat, ugly, unknowledgable, etc.) I don’t approve your comments, they’re automatically deleted by the IP address you guys are using so now I don’t even read them. So consider your time completely wasted and consider me not giving a fuck what you have to say about me Its totally awesome that you guys have considered me so important that you should waste your time harassing me on the internet, but its also totally lame that you guys are spending so much time on this. Y’all have totally pegged me as something I’m not – but none of you know me in real life anyway. Continue though, its pretty amusing that you’ve picked me as your latest target

Tami Baribeau is the Associate Producer for Metaplace, Inc, currently working on Island Life.  She is also the Lead Editor of feminist gaming blog The Border House, and the National Facebook Games Examiner for Examiner.com.  She can be reached on Twitter or by email.